How are you, really?
I recently had a conversation with a friend about the depths of the emotional impact that Covid has had on our clients and humanity in general. We discussed how fascinating it is to observe what a person becomes when you take away all the good things in their life- All their fun, leisure, and their favorite bits about being alive.
The reflection has become a burning question that I'd like to encourage my readers to ask themselves: When you are stripped down from all the things that make your life exciting and fun, and all you have left is lockdowns and restrictions - What do you have left?
Without all the noise of social life, without all the fun of trips and adventures, without all your peers' external validation and emotional nurture: Are you okay?
If the answer is no, don't panic.
Statistics show us that this is the case for millions of people around the world. Not surprisingly, 40% of U.S. citizens reported struggling with mental health during the first months of the pandemic [1]. In China alone, the rate of depression and anxiety among teens and young adults increased too, going from 17.2% to 22.6% [2] That 5% increase may seem small, but in a country with over 1.4 billion inhabitants, that 5% is equivalent to 72 million people(!), that 22.6% is over 326 million humans struggling to cope with life; and these aren't isolated cases, the rates are echoed worldwide - people are not okay.
Overall, the collective experience of isolation the world has been through brought a profound understanding to our generation: most of us don't know how to relate to ourselves.
As a coach, it's easy to understand why: most of us were never taught how to build healthy relationships - Me included. It took me years to build the basis of a strong healthy and loving relationship with myself, and I still coach myself today to never forget my self-worth and purpose.
Self-love and compassion are, above all, skills that require some guidance and a whole lot of nurture. Unfortunately, mindful relationships are not the type of thing you learn in school, we definitely do not learn this from social media, or friends; and it’s safe to say the previous generation of parents was also fairly unaware of the rampant need for this sort of skill.
It's only natural that the panorama would look like it does after the severe changes we've been through in the short space of a year. Of course, the lack of external distractions would take a severe toll on our mental health.
All this goes to show that, if you’re feeling a bit anxious, a bit sad, a bit overwhelmed, or a bit unhappy with yourself - what you are feeling is entirely normal, you're not alone, and better yet: there are ways to help it.
Over the years, through my practice as a coach, I have learned very effective techniques that help my clients and me cope with crises.
Some of them include asking myself coaching questions, like these:
1. Why are you grateful today?
This one is undoubtedly familiar to many. However, not many people know that research shows how gratitude expressions have a positive impact on neural activity among people suffering from depression and anxiety. With an exercise as simple as writing a gratitude letter, the research subjects reported experiencing positive effects up to three months later [3].
So, this is your sign to start writing down a few statements on why you're grateful for as often as you can and experience the benefits.
Remember the power of gratitude doesn’t come from just listing the good things in your life, but rather from stepping into a state of gratitude. When you find it hard to answer the 'What,' switch the question to 'Why’ - this will help you think deeply about your circumstances and connect with a new perspective, and a gratitude narrative. It’s powerful, you’ll see ;)
2. What is this experience trying to teach you?
Everything is a learning opportunity, even this crazy Covid situation.
Changing perspective and seeing the circumstances as an opportunity to learn can transform a moment of doubt into an exciting challenge. I love this quote by Wayne Dyer: "If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."
3. Who do you want to be?
This is a piece of advice I'd give anyone at any point in time, but right now, it's ever more relevant: Spend time with yourself. Take space to get to know who you are, which are your actual areas of discomfort, and why they affect you.
Question the way you've been living and the decisions you've made, but most importantly, ask yourself who you want to be and plan accordingly. Show up as that person every single day.
To conclude, I'd like to share with you one of my core beliefs:
When life happens, you can either break or build.
There are a million reasons why we should probably sit down and cry on a corner- there always are, but the truth is you only have those two options: Break or build. Let’s face it: The faster we learn to do better in the midst of a crisis, the more equipped we will be to face the challenges ahead of us.
Covid will hopefully be a 'once-in-a-lifetime’ kind of situation; so I'd like to remind you to take this time as an opportunity to come out of this a better person, who knows, understands, and loves her/him/themself better.